My wife has been after me for some time to keep a journal about my struggle with Alzheimer's. Over the years I have tried journaling several times but always gave it up within a few days or weeks. Hopefully, I'll do better this time.
I was diagnosed two years ago last month but I had suspected it for over a year before. When I finally told my wife, she admitted that she had suspected it also and urged me to see the PA I usually went too. He told me it was not his area of expertise and advised me to see a neurologist or gerontologist. I chose the latter.
Dr. Gouvia has been great and I've made her my PC doctor.
At the beginning of my treatment, she gave me Rx's for a couple of drugs that are supposed to slow down the dementia's inevitable toll. I didn't think it was working and the side effects were terrible so I stopped taking them.
My Alzheimer's seems really weird to me. I can still remember lots of things from my past. When my wife Connie is driving I can give her correct directions to a place we have not been to for years. But if I am driving, I will forget where and why I am going. If my wife is in the car with me, she will say something like, "Why did you turn here." And I will then have to respond, "I don't have a clue. Where are we going?" For that reason, I have stopped driving altogether recently.
It is harder for me to concentrate and follow conversations around me. I've stopped teaching Sunday School because what used to take a couple of hours now takes 5-8 hours and I often misunderstand or simply miss the comments of our class members. I'm still preaching, though it takes me two to three times longer to write a sermon now, I seem to be able to deliver it ok. I still practice it out loud every day for a week before I give the sermon, but I now have to rely on my notes more during my delivery of it. I am going to be very depressed when I can no longer preach.
Likewise for my weddings. Just this week, Connie and I met with two couples whose weddings I will be officiating in September and October. We had such a delightful time with each of them. But there was a time when I would be able to meet with them alone. Now I feel like I need Connie to be with me. If I forget to say something important, Connie brings it up, I add to it, and we go on. But again, I know the day is coming when I will no longer be able to do it. And that depresses me.
But what depresses me most of all is knowing that I will become a burden to Connie. I saw what my mother's dementia took out of my father and I hate the thought of doing that to Connie.
This may not look like much of a first effort at journaling, but it has taken me about four hours over two days to write it. I so wish I had my brain back.
I was diagnosed two years ago last month but I had suspected it for over a year before. When I finally told my wife, she admitted that she had suspected it also and urged me to see the PA I usually went too. He told me it was not his area of expertise and advised me to see a neurologist or gerontologist. I chose the latter.
Dr. Gouvia has been great and I've made her my PC doctor.
At the beginning of my treatment, she gave me Rx's for a couple of drugs that are supposed to slow down the dementia's inevitable toll. I didn't think it was working and the side effects were terrible so I stopped taking them.
My Alzheimer's seems really weird to me. I can still remember lots of things from my past. When my wife Connie is driving I can give her correct directions to a place we have not been to for years. But if I am driving, I will forget where and why I am going. If my wife is in the car with me, she will say something like, "Why did you turn here." And I will then have to respond, "I don't have a clue. Where are we going?" For that reason, I have stopped driving altogether recently.
It is harder for me to concentrate and follow conversations around me. I've stopped teaching Sunday School because what used to take a couple of hours now takes 5-8 hours and I often misunderstand or simply miss the comments of our class members. I'm still preaching, though it takes me two to three times longer to write a sermon now, I seem to be able to deliver it ok. I still practice it out loud every day for a week before I give the sermon, but I now have to rely on my notes more during my delivery of it. I am going to be very depressed when I can no longer preach.
Likewise for my weddings. Just this week, Connie and I met with two couples whose weddings I will be officiating in September and October. We had such a delightful time with each of them. But there was a time when I would be able to meet with them alone. Now I feel like I need Connie to be with me. If I forget to say something important, Connie brings it up, I add to it, and we go on. But again, I know the day is coming when I will no longer be able to do it. And that depresses me.
But what depresses me most of all is knowing that I will become a burden to Connie. I saw what my mother's dementia took out of my father and I hate the thought of doing that to Connie.
This may not look like much of a first effort at journaling, but it has taken me about four hours over two days to write it. I so wish I had my brain back.
