I'm feeling very depressed. A month ago I gave up teaching Sunday School because it took me 8 to 10 hours to prepare a lesson. And in class when everyone is talking I get confused and my wife tells me I don't respond appropriately to the members' comments or questions.
Then yesterday I had to tell my friend and mentor, Father Ken, that I can no longer do weddings for the God Squad, including the ones in just a few weeks that I told him earlier I thought I could still do. I no that puts a burden on him and I hate that because the God Squad has been so good to me over the past 18 years.
And I now realize that I'm going to have to tell Pastor Cliff that I can no longer preach for him when he is away. It takes me up to 20 hours to write a sermon. It used to only take half that time. And I've been getting mixed up when I deliver the sermon. Connie tells me she doesn't think people notice yet, the just think I'm pausing for dramatic effect. But I notice. And I'm sure like everything else, it will get worse as time goes by. I have two sermons left to preach this year and thankfully I have them all written. But my last sermon in October will be my swan song.
All of these things I'm having to give up are things that defined me as a person. As I told Connie last night. I feel useless. And I hate that.
That's all for now.
Then yesterday I had to tell my friend and mentor, Father Ken, that I can no longer do weddings for the God Squad, including the ones in just a few weeks that I told him earlier I thought I could still do. I no that puts a burden on him and I hate that because the God Squad has been so good to me over the past 18 years.
And I now realize that I'm going to have to tell Pastor Cliff that I can no longer preach for him when he is away. It takes me up to 20 hours to write a sermon. It used to only take half that time. And I've been getting mixed up when I deliver the sermon. Connie tells me she doesn't think people notice yet, the just think I'm pausing for dramatic effect. But I notice. And I'm sure like everything else, it will get worse as time goes by. I have two sermons left to preach this year and thankfully I have them all written. But my last sermon in October will be my swan song.
All of these things I'm having to give up are things that defined me as a person. As I told Connie last night. I feel useless. And I hate that.
That's all for now.
