My Alzheimer's Journal #8

A friend asked me a few weeks ago what my symptoms where. He wanted to know how I suspected I had Alzheimer's before I went to the doctor. So I told him. When I'm standing at the kitchen counter fixing dinner and realize I need something from the refrigerator, I walk over to the fridge and open the door. Then I stare into the fridge trying to remember why I opened the door. When I'm in the bathroom getting ready for the day, it takes me forever because I'm constantly trying to remember if I'm standing at the sink because in need to apply deodorant, or shave, or brush my teeth. I often walk out without doing at least one of those. And when I wake up in the morning, I usually have no idea what day it and I have to look at my phone to see what the date is.

My friend, trying I think to console me, said, "But people our age often do those things." I responded, "You don't understand. I don't do those things often, I do them every damn time."

Enough for today.

My Alzheimer's Journal #7

Getting diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at age 38 was a bummer. Finding out my memory problems are the result of the onset of Alzheimer's was much worse. But last Friday I met a totally blind six to eight-year-old boy at St. Jude's Children's Hospital was balding from his chemo treatments and I decided I need to reflect a bit more on my many blessings.

I married well. My wonderful wife has stood by me through thick and thin and I love her more than words can express. We have three wonderful sons whom we adore. We also very much love our daughters-in-law, and we have been blessed with thirteen grandchildren who, like the kids in Lake Wobegone, are all above average.

I have enjoyed every job I've had and, for the most part, have had great bosses, colleagues, and mentors. Though I've had to cut back on things I used to enjoy like driving and officiating at weddings, I'm thankful that I'm still able to preach occasionally.

Connie and I love our doctor who is both a gerontologist and an intern. She is the doctor who diagnosed my Alzheimer's and unlike any other doctor we've ever had, I sure she would recognize us if she saw us outside of her office. She remembers things we tell her about our children and grandkids and she doesn't seem to rush through her time with us when we are in her office.

I'm thankful for our church. We get so many positive affirmations there. Though we could do better, I'm glad we worship in a multicultural church that seeks to serve "the least of these."

That's enough for now.

My Alzheimer's Journal #6

Don't have time to write much this morning. But just wanted to say that several people have asked me if my diagnosis of Alzheimer's has shaken my faith. As a pastor, I can understand the question because I have ministered to people whose faith was indeed shaken by a medical diagnosis.

But way back when I was 38 and first learned I had Multiple Sclerosis I actually felt my faith strengthened, and the same has happened now with my Alzheimer's diagnosis. Maybe the following quote will help explain it: 

"Jesus came to bring good news to the poor; not to those who serve the poor! I think we can only truly experience the presence of God, meet Jesus, receive the good news, in and through our own poverty, because the kingdom of God belongs to the poor, the poor in spirit, the poor who are crying out for love." -- Jean Vanier, founder of the L'Arche communities.

I found this quote in today's reading in "Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals>" After the quote above was this prayer:

"Lord, even the seraphim and cherubim hide their faces in your presence as they declare your praise. Help us mere mortals to humbly dethrone ourselves and bow before you, that in our weakness we might know your good news and forever sing your glory. Amen." 

Though I do complain about my memory loss to my wife, I somehow feel closer to God than ever before. Even with my lousy voice, I still sing God's glory.