Alzheimer's is so weird. As I mentioned in a previous post I could not remember my oldest grandchild's name the other day. And, especially in the evening, I often get confused when Connie or someone else is trying to explain something to me. That happened last night, but then, just 30 minutes later I was able to complete a crossword puzzle in record time. Truly I don't understand how that's possible.
I can tell that at times Connie gets exasperated or frustrated with me when I forget something important or don't understand what she is trying to tell me. And that pains me. I can remember things that happened long ago. I remember our best friends at the time of our marriage telling me they were so glad Connie and I got together because they did not like the rich Boston doctor she was seeing before me. Sometimes now I wonder if Connie made the wrong choice.
I struggle with depression a lot now. Connie suggested I ask our PCP to give me some drug to deal with it but I don't think that would do any good. I'm pretty sure I don't have clinical depression. I'm just sad that my brain is wasting away. I'm not suicidal but I admit there are times that I am jealous of friends or acquaintances who get ill and die relatively quickly from some cancer or heart disease. It took my mom and my aunt years to die from Alzheimer's and the last several years they were so frightened and confused and such a burden to their loved ones. I feel like I'm already a bit of a burden to Connie and I hate that.
That's all for now.
I can tell that at times Connie gets exasperated or frustrated with me when I forget something important or don't understand what she is trying to tell me. And that pains me. I can remember things that happened long ago. I remember our best friends at the time of our marriage telling me they were so glad Connie and I got together because they did not like the rich Boston doctor she was seeing before me. Sometimes now I wonder if Connie made the wrong choice.
I struggle with depression a lot now. Connie suggested I ask our PCP to give me some drug to deal with it but I don't think that would do any good. I'm pretty sure I don't have clinical depression. I'm just sad that my brain is wasting away. I'm not suicidal but I admit there are times that I am jealous of friends or acquaintances who get ill and die relatively quickly from some cancer or heart disease. It took my mom and my aunt years to die from Alzheimer's and the last several years they were so frightened and confused and such a burden to their loved ones. I feel like I'm already a bit of a burden to Connie and I hate that.
That's all for now.
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