Monday, September 16, 2019

My Alzheimer's Journal #11

Yesterday I told my Sunday School class that after the three sermons I'm scheduled to preach in October and November, I'm going to have to stop preaching. It is just getting too hard to write a sermon. And today, for the first time, I let all of my Facebook and Liker friends know about my Alzheimer's with the following post:

I was diagnosed with MS when I was 38 and with Alzheimer's two years ago. As the Alzheimer's continues to ravish my brain, and the MS continues to make my legs more and more uncoordinated, I totally get the last sentence in Nouwen's first paragraph. I have spoken it to Connie and Pastor Cliff on several occasions. Please pray with me that as I continue to decline, I'll do a better job of living the second paragraph than the first.

Preparing for Death
Some people say they are afraid of death. Others say they are not. But most people are quite afraid of dying. The slow deterioration of mind and body, the pains of a growing cancer, the ravaging effects of AIDS, becoming a burden for your friends, losing control of your movements, being talked about or spoken to with half-truths, forgetting recent events and the names of visitors—all of that and much more is what we really fear. It’s not surprising that we sometimes say: “I hope it doesn’t last long. I hope I will die through a sudden heart attack and not after a long, painful illness."

But, whatever we think or hope, the way we will die is unpredictable and our worries about it quite fruitless. Still, we need to be prepared. Preparing ourselves for our deaths is the most important task of life, at least when we believe that death is not the total dissolution of our identity but the way to its fullest revelation. Death, as Jesus speaks about it, is that moment in which total defeat and total victory are one. The cross on which Jesus died is the sign of this oneness of defeat and victory. Jesus speaks about his death as being “lifted up” ()ohn 12:32-33).--Henri J. M. Nouwen 

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